Sensitive
What do you think of when you hear the word "sensitive?"
Most of us think of being easily brought to tears,
being weak,
unable to handle criticism.
We think of someone who won't succeed in the workplace,
or someone who is "delicate" or "fragile," with a big "Handle With Care" sign invisibly written across their forehead.
With children, one may think of a child that won't play sports but "has to" do art, music, or acting, because they're "just too sensitive," as if the rough-and-tumbling of sports would break them in two.
It may be clear, or not, but all of the above examples include an undertone of negativity. There is an implied message, that "to be called 'sensitive' is like being called a name; it's bad and no one should ever want to be that. If you are 'sensitive,' you will be ostracized and ridiculed. You will not succeed. You will be breakable and nobody wants that for a friend/partner/employee…etc. You will only be 'cut out' for certain things, and they will NOT be what you 'actually want.'"
Bear with me for a moment.
Have you ever sat and considered the implications of a good conversation you've had with a spouse, a friend, or a teacher, only to arrive at new conclusions and more exciting revelations after "digesting" it for a little longer?
Have you ever found yourself feeling sad when spending time with a grieving friend?
Have you ever walked into a friend's house, or a colleague's office, and noticed the small differences, down to a difference in lighting or scent?
What if I told you that these are some markers of high sensitivity? Would you still see it as a bad thing?
I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).
What this means for me is that I need time to "digest" conversations and consider their meanings over the days, and sometimes weeks, that follow. I glean loads of understanding when I sit and journal, in depth, about my thoughts and emotions regarding a situation.
When I am sitting with people, I can feel their pain and loss as if it were my own, which gives me true willingness to understand them, and great capacity for empathy. This, in turn, makes them feel seen, heard, and valued.
Because I feel everyone's emotions so strongly, I am mindful of what I watch, my energy level, and who I let in to my closest circles of friends. I am careful with my time in order to be most authentically present with people I do spend time with. And I develop healthy boundaries.
In any space I find myself, I am aware of the aesthetics of the room, the "vibe" of the gathering, and how helpful or unhelpful details are, such as lighting, sound, scent, chair positioning,…etc.
I also tend to know when to speak and when silence is more suitable.
My high sensitivity, especially as it relates to my interactions with other people, is my super power! Understanding and embracing this trait has made me a better friend, better employee, and better therapist. I know where my limits are, and I can give freely until my limits are reached. I know when to stop and take a break; but I also know that, as long as I am within my healthy boundaries, I am able to have an open heart, one that feels with others. I am able to sit with people in their pain and watch the healing that happens because of the safety in those interactions.
So what does your sensitivity look like?
If you are like me, welcome! It is a vibrant, rich world, here on the HSP side of life. Take back the word "sensitive." It has many positive connotations, despite the negative ones being highlighted. Learn about it. Own it. Trust me; your life will be better because of it. And so will the lives of others around you.
If you are unsure, or if you think you may be a HSP but are struggling with identifying with this trait, you are not alone; I started out my HSP journey the same way. Back in 2009, I found Elaine Aron's Highly Sensitive Person book in a library. Intrigued, I started reading, only to strongly identify with it, get anxious, and put it away. I not only ignored what I had learned, but my brain defended against it so hard that I completely forgot about it for 10 years! It wasn't until 2019, when a wise friend asked if I had ever taken the HSP test, that it all came back to me. What followed was an incredible journey of self-discovery and I am so glad I did not shy away from it.
In the presence of a safe other-- someone who understood this trait and was also Highly Sensitive themselves, I was able to gently explore it, identify with it, and finally celebrate and own it. I aim to do that for you. Let's connect and see if it would be a good fit.
Lastly, you may not identify with this trait at all; but chances are that you know someone who does. Tell them about it. Listen to them as they think through it. Have them contact me if that would be helpful. Simple awareness that this trait is real, and is not bad, is invaluable.
I leave you with this admonition from my friend, whether you are Highly Sensitive or not,
"Use your powers for good and not for evil."
To learn more about the Highly Sensitive Person trait and take the test, go to https://www.hsperson.com
©2023 Maggie Yousef